Development
Riley has been slow to a number of milestones. Didn't turn over until 5 months. Just barely starting to crawl now at 8 months. Still no teeth. None of those delays have bothered me. But I have been seriously stressing about his language development. He's very expressive, frequently laughing, smiling and showing wonder. And he makes a lot of sounds: breathy "huh"s and "hey"s and jabbering "ay-ay-ay"s. But unlike most kids, he didn't start using consonants at 6 or 7 months.
As he neared the 8 month mark (which he hit today) I started to panic. Is he mentally challenged? Will he be behind all the other kids and limited in his life's options? Is it because of something I did? I talk to him non-stop, sometimes to the point that my jaw gets sore. But maybe it's something else. Maybe he doesn't get enough one-on-one contact at child care and I should be staying home with him instead of working. Maybe it's because I prefer reading him books that are songs instead of straight prose. Maybe I was stupid to allow myself to occasionally sip a little wine or beer while pregnant and breast feeding (per doctor's advice). Maybe it's because I selfishly insist on having hardwood floors (on which he frequently tumbles). If there's something wrong with his brain, it is surely because of something I did.
Yesterday Andy took Riley to the doctor to check out a fever and cold he had developed. I insisted Andy ask about his language development. Why no consonants yet? Is this a red flag? Ohmygodwhatiswrongwithmybaby?!?
The doctor said it's not a concern. Some boys are just late talkers. She said it's not the norm, but it's also not that unusual. She said she'd be more worried if he were 9 months and that we should check back in then. I was somewhat relieved, but also felt a clock starting to tick. One month! We've got one month to get this kid babbling consonants. Forget the practice crawling; we've got to focus on talking. Go, go, go!
I got home last night and held my sick little baby. I nursed him and stared at his beautiful face, wondering if he was going to need a lot of help to get through life. I pondered how many therapists we might see and if we'd be able to keep him at grade level. I acknowledged how happy he is and reminded myself that happy is much more important than smart.
And then I watched in shock as he said "da da da." He went on, "di di la la li li li ga ga." I called out to Andy, "he's saying ds!" Andy said he'd been saying them for hours. As if that weren't enough, the boy then crawled about three feet. It wasn't a perfect crawl, but it felt epic. It felt even better when he repeated it.
Maybe he's not so far behind after all. Maybe he just likes to turn in his assignments at the last possible minute (perhaps resembling his mom). Babies are supposed to crawl and babble consonants when they are 7 months so maybe he waited until the absolute last day before he hit the 8-month mark.
Whatever the case, I'll take it. And I'll also take a few deep breaths. I've gotta let this kid be who he's gonna be and not get too tied up in knots over it. It looks like I've got some development to do, too.
As he neared the 8 month mark (which he hit today) I started to panic. Is he mentally challenged? Will he be behind all the other kids and limited in his life's options? Is it because of something I did? I talk to him non-stop, sometimes to the point that my jaw gets sore. But maybe it's something else. Maybe he doesn't get enough one-on-one contact at child care and I should be staying home with him instead of working. Maybe it's because I prefer reading him books that are songs instead of straight prose. Maybe I was stupid to allow myself to occasionally sip a little wine or beer while pregnant and breast feeding (per doctor's advice). Maybe it's because I selfishly insist on having hardwood floors (on which he frequently tumbles). If there's something wrong with his brain, it is surely because of something I did.
Yesterday Andy took Riley to the doctor to check out a fever and cold he had developed. I insisted Andy ask about his language development. Why no consonants yet? Is this a red flag? Ohmygodwhatiswrongwithmybaby?!?
The doctor said it's not a concern. Some boys are just late talkers. She said it's not the norm, but it's also not that unusual. She said she'd be more worried if he were 9 months and that we should check back in then. I was somewhat relieved, but also felt a clock starting to tick. One month! We've got one month to get this kid babbling consonants. Forget the practice crawling; we've got to focus on talking. Go, go, go!
I got home last night and held my sick little baby. I nursed him and stared at his beautiful face, wondering if he was going to need a lot of help to get through life. I pondered how many therapists we might see and if we'd be able to keep him at grade level. I acknowledged how happy he is and reminded myself that happy is much more important than smart.
And then I watched in shock as he said "da da da." He went on, "di di la la li li li ga ga." I called out to Andy, "he's saying ds!" Andy said he'd been saying them for hours. As if that weren't enough, the boy then crawled about three feet. It wasn't a perfect crawl, but it felt epic. It felt even better when he repeated it.
Maybe he's not so far behind after all. Maybe he just likes to turn in his assignments at the last possible minute (perhaps resembling his mom). Babies are supposed to crawl and babble consonants when they are 7 months so maybe he waited until the absolute last day before he hit the 8-month mark.
Whatever the case, I'll take it. And I'll also take a few deep breaths. I've gotta let this kid be who he's gonna be and not get too tied up in knots over it. It looks like I've got some development to do, too.
You almost got me crying with this one mommy. Babies always do things at their own speed. There will soon come a day when you will wish for some silence and less chasing him to rescue your items of signifigance. Perhaps he should have listened to you and the Dr. voice your concerns sooner...."Oh, is that all they wanted? Blah, blah, dadadadada, whee! Silly Mommy! Love, me
ReplyDeleteSome day I will learn to spell too! LOL...
ReplyDeleteHi Catherine! I thought I would stop lurking on your blog and post something. :) I agree that all kids are on their own development timetable, and, in general, it doesn't have much to do with you as a parent.
ReplyDeleteWith Emily, we read to her all the time and were very focused on her language development. Now she is 2 1/2 and has a mild expressive language delay. (We are seeking out interventions for her, and I'm confident she will catch up...in her own time.)
Henry is a different story. I'm ashamed to admit that we don't read to him anywhere near as much as we did/do with Emily. With him being born so soon after Emily, we went into more of a survival mode, and we were nowhere near as focused on his development as we were on her's. And the results? He had a handful of words he was using correctly by 9 months.
So I'm thinking that as parents we can do everything "right", and it won't matter. Our kids are who they are, and they are going to develop on their own timetables.
I'm enjoying your blog, by the way. You have one cute baby!
Thanks to both of you for your comments. Cara, so nice to hear from you! I really appreciate your perspective. I guess I just need to chill and let him be who he's gonna be. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteUh, I know just how you feel. Alex's developmental assessment was probably one of the most stressful things I went through - you know the story. After a bit of a lull, Alex's vocab has just exploded. Maybe boys just go in spurts like that.
ReplyDeleteI felt like my kid was really slow to smile and then smiled infrequently. And really, really slow to laugh - and infrequently on that too. Lurking in the back of my mind were concerns about her birth and then autism or a spectrum disorder of some sort.
ReplyDeleteOf course, she smiles and laughs a lot now (granted, mostly in front of Rob and I and not others - sort of the Snuffleuppagus of smiling and laughing). But that fear is there. You're not alone in your fears.
I think conventionally you hear boys are faster with physical stuff and girls are faster with talking. I have never seen any research or data on this . . . .
My niece didn't crawl until she was 10 months and didn't walk until close to 16. She runs with the best of 'em now.
R is for Rock Star, 'cause he is. :)